Wow I can't believe that its been this long...

Not that I have not been busy or that there are not a ton of things to report, but I am still in shock that I have not blogged since July.  What in the world has happened to me you might ask... Well nothing really, and I guess everything.  July was a good month... Olivia's 1st Birthday, Pageant of the Masters, and a few good summer days enjoying our backyard and our new neighborhood.

August really did give us a whole lot, well that I can remember for that matter, but here are some pics from that month...

More or less the last few months have been a lot of Olivia growing and getting bigger every day.  I look back on some of the pictures and cannot believe how big she is getting and how fast this is all going... And yes I know I should have listened when every one warned me it would go by quickly, but that is only a lesson learned in time.  No one, and I mean no one can explain all the details of parenthood to you, it is only experience that is the true teacher.

Recently, as in the last two weeks, we moved Olivia into Day Care by the house.  It is a more formal day care and since it is near the house, the drive to work is a little less stressful on both of us.  But to say the transition has been smooth, would be a lie.  Olivia seems to be having a hard time with all of the change.  Tantrums are the new norm, starting with the morning change of the diaper to the end of the day rituals.  My once always happy baby is now a toddler with an attitude and I wish I knew what to do.  It was sort of funny in the beginning, but now its down right stressful.  And the worst part is that I have no idea what to do for her.  She just gets so frustrated all the time and no matter what we do, nothing seems to help.  I am sure it is just a phase, but right now it seems like it will never end... 

Besides the growing pains, we are good.  Paul and I just celebrated our 5 year anniversary and things are going well.  Team effort here in the Madore house is the only way I can say that we are staying afloat.  Lots of love and patience... And when all else fails, a good glass of wine will solve anything.

Hopefully this will be the first of many postings in the next few weeks.  Working on getting back on track.

Olivia Turned One

This little lady turned 1 and like my thank you notes, this post is about 3 weeks late.  Olivia was born on the 4th of July and so we had her party on that day as well.  Worked out great.  We had lunch at our new home, did cake and gifts and people were still able to attend any late night fun that they already had planned for the Fourth. 

 

We decided to keep it simple, ordered sandwiches from Corner Bakery, made some salads and had drinks.  Simple but good.  Everyone had a great time, hanging out with the birthday girl and checking out the new house. 

 

Here are a few shots from the party...

 

 

 

 

 

We are super grateful to have such wonderful people in our lives, who truly care about our little girl.  We could not be happier!

 

Today was a good day!

I woke up this morning and decided that I wanted to spend the day at home with Olivia.  Just a girls day, for lack of a better term.  I do not know why I decided today was that day or why I had not done this sooner, but it was a great day.  We ate breakfast together, then played for a while and ran errands, mostly just those that needed to be done some time ago for her birthday in two days.  And then she went down for a nap and I ate lunch and relaxed for a bit as well, and once she was up, it was play time again. 

At some point in the middle of this seemingly normal day, it occured to me that I was really happy.  Not just "this is a good day" happy,  but genuinely happy.  This was definitely a feeling that has been sort of foreign for a bit.  With all that was going on, mostly good, some really unfortunate moments have occurred.  In an attempt to be honest, to purge, to move forward, I am going to admit that I am not speaking to my dad.  A request was made, the understanding on his part was not there, and now we are taking some time to think things through.  I wish that I could say that I knew that this was going to be okay, but I don't.  Things have been said, lines have been drawn and over the last few weeks I have been left with an emptiness that I can only describe as loss.  It feels like a death has occurred and I have most definitely gone through the very sad stages of grief.  My dad and I will never be the same.  We may find a way back to one another, but the damage is done.  I have decided to allow this to be okay, mainly because I have to.  I can no longer be the person that lets someone walk all over them.  I can not continue down this path anymore.  It is dark and with no end in sight.  I won't allow him to do that to me or to my life.  And once I freed myself of this; the weight lifted.  I felt myself come back, was able to breathe life again.

So I choose to be happy.  And today I actually felt that emotion, not just thought it.  And it felt really good.  I needed it more than I ever knew.  I have been walking in some sort of haze and now I feel like I am alive again.  I am hopefull that this is the beginning of great things.  Of moving on.  Of letting go... Of forgiving.  And though I know my dad has done something untolerable, cruel even, I forgive.  For that is my only option.  I can't carry this with me anymore, I don't want to, don't need to.  I can only hope that this is not the end.  Only time will tell, but if today tells me anything, it is possible.


“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”

― Ann Landers

And away we go!

Tomorrow we are going to do the walk thru of our house.  I am not sure where the time went, but it really feels like it was only a few weeks ago that we put down the deposit on this place.  It was so far off that I don't think I really let myself register that the day would come that we would be doing the walk thru and then closing and getting the keys to our first home.  It so exciting and scary at the same time.  This will be the second largest purchase that Paul and I have done together, since being married, the first being the CR-V.  It's strange that it took all this time to get to this place, yet I feel like we are super rushed all of a sudden.  Like I said, scary times.  But good as well.

I know how lucky I am and this whole process reminds me of just that.  I have a great husband, who has managed amongst all the millions of things he has to do to organize and plan this whole move.  I mean it when I say, I have done so very little.  I more or less show up.  I know that I have made decisions, like which fabric to get on the couch or the rugs that we need, but he has done most of the heavy lifting.  I am very lucky. 

And though it's easy to see all that is going well, it's hard to block out the little things that make things just a little harder.  I am nervous about the move, how it will affect Olivia and Moe and the adjustment period that comes with change, something that will affect all of us in one way or another.  I know it will take time to call this new place home and not come back to what has been our home for so many years.  I will miss this place, and I am not quite ready to walk away from the place that we brought Olivia home to.  It will be hard to say goodbye.  I am also stressed about the drive to and from work, which now is like 12 miles but will soon become 35.  What is funny to me is that I have been totally aware of this change for some time, but it did not register fully till I tell someone where we are moving and see there reaction.  "So are you still planning on working here?"  "That's quite a drive."  Thanks everyone for the confidence... Totally helping with my anxiety about the move!

And then there are the tons of little things that just happen to be going on that manage to overwhelm me at any given moment.  Life tends to that at times.  Usually when you least want it to.  But I am getting better at handling it with each passing year. 

Aside from all that, in 48 hours we are going to own a home.  It has been years in the making and I am very excited.

Housing Develoments

As I mentioned previously, we bought a house.  It has been one of the more exciting things to happen in some time, but it has been easy to forget at times because of Olivia.  If this had happened before her I would be spending night and day obsessing over what we were going to and when we were going to move in, but there is no time for that.. And that might be a good thing.  It allows me to just live in the moment.  And I sort of like that. 

We have been fortunate enough to be able to watch the progress of our house being built.  Not something I thought that I would ever be able to do.  It's such a neat thing to say we are, well someone is, building our house.  I sort of feel special that this is ours, no ones but ours.  So cool.

Here are a few shots of the progress... Closing is slated for May 30th, and I cannot wait!

Oh she is a growing...

Not that you would have any idea based on my blog, but Olivia is now 9 MONTHS OLD!  She is getting so big and moving so much and is such a little person now, with her own way.  I love her so much. She is so fun to be around and watch her discover new things and figure out her way in and out of stuff.  She now has 4 teeth and is starting to try real foods: bread, fruit, cereal and little snacks.  There have been some mishaps, like tossing up an entire bottle of formula on me at lunch on Friday after chocking on some pizza crust.  I guess you can say we are both learning.

Something's Missing

Well it's official, I AM OLD.  Well 33 to be exact but at this point I don't really want to bother with counting.  I miss being excited about birthdays, turning a year older, celebrating with everyone.  And though I did have a great time celebrating with the fam bam on Saturday night, I more or less think of it as just a great night out rather than a birthday celebration.  It's wierd this getting older thing.  It comes with a ton of wonderful memories and a sense of peace with who I am at this point in my life, but it's also sort of sad.  This is the first year that I did not have a grandmother to call me on my birthday.  And though it was never that big a deal in the past, it was this huge hole in my day this year.  I missed the chat about being another year older and not spending my $40 check all in one place... It really is the little things.  I want to say that no one warns you about that, but we all know that is not true.  It's people say, yet you don't truly understand the meaning till it affects you personally.  I can honestly say this was the second birthday in a row that did not feel as celebratory as it has in the past.  But I am hopeful for next year... Really that is the only way to think about it.

So here's to another year... May it treat me well!

Excuses

Wow it's been a long time since I sat down on my laptop, and even longer since I actually blogged.  Part of the problem, is that I usually do all my nonsense online stuff on my iPhone or my iPad now.  And it makes it sort of hard to blog from that silly keyboard.  But since I needed to get on this thing for work stuff, I figured I would update the world on our life.

Olivia is going to be 8 months old tomorrow.  Where does the time go?  I still can't believe that she is crawling and pulling up on things and more or less standing with help.  She sleeps through the night now and when she does wake up in the middle of the night, it is such a rare occurrence that I feel sort of annoyed.  How sad is that?!?  Working on my patience is an ongoing process.  At day care Olivia has now moved out of the swing for naps and into the pack and play.  Such a big girl.  She is eating veggies and fruits and loves it all.  She really is such a good baby, we did well.

Paul is doing well.  Work is crazy, but he is slated to get a promotion to VP in June/July, so we are really excited about that.

Work for me is nuts.  In the span of a month three of my closest coworkers have left, the latest only resigning on Friday.  It's been a roller coaster of a ride, but so far I am hanging on.  Not sure how this will all work out, but I guess I am going to just enjoy the ride.

But the best thing that has happened in the last month, we bought a house!  It's in Chino and it has 4 bedrooms and three and a half bathrooms.  It is 2700 square feet and has a really good feel throughout. It is still being built and we have a projected close date of May 24th.  I cannot wait!!!!  This will be our home, our first one at that!

So yeah that is what is going on with us... Pictures to follow!

This girl is getting old...

And I am doing a terrible job of posting anything to do with her or our life.  BUT I am back, if not for a fleeting moment.  As you can see Olivia turned 5 months and then a month later... 6 MONTHS!!!!

And now you are caught up... Well for a moment that is!  Oh and Olivia is now crawling and sitting up.  And she is eating cereal and peas.  One week at a time we are getting that girl set on her veggies... So far so good, cause she LOVES her peas!  Who knew!?!