On Wednesday my grandma passed away. She was a strong and opionionated lady, someone that I related to on so many levels. Life was black and white for her and she loved as hard as anyone could, how can you not love someone like that. And though this has been a very hard time for me and my family, I feel that I have not had the time to really process my feelings. I have dived into work as a way of avoiding handling anything, using the excuse that with the new business deal in place there really is no time for sadness. And it's sort of true. There is so much going on at work, and the very real possibility that in a week I could be out of job, that I guess it's easy to get lost in everything else going on.
But now that it is Saturday and I have some down time, I have time to recognize that I am sad. Really sad. In less than 3 months I have lost two people that have helped to shape my life in such a large way. I feel such an imense amount of sadness for so many reasons and they all surround the idea of loss. In August I lost Grandma Garrett and I find myself missing her more and more each day. On Wednesday I lost my Grandma Creekmur and I know that my family will never be the same and there is only more loss to come from her passing. And next week, I will lose the company that I have worked for for over 7 years. It is being bought and there are no guarantees as to how myself or my department will fit into this new situation. And even if somehow I make it out unscathed, there is going to be some fallout. The president of the company and many others have already made thier intentions known that they will be gone. It will be a new company with a new direction, and no guarantees. With so much change in the last couple of years, I feel the walls closing in at times.
But I have to stay strong and focused on the good and the positive all around me. And there is plenty!!!