Monday, September 24, 2012
Well you wouldn't know it based on the 100 degree weather but fall is here and that means another summer has passed us by. And it has been a pretty busy one. There was a trip to Palm Springs, one grandmother in and out of the hospital a couple times, one grandmother passing away, my parents filing for divorce, oh and we had a baby. So all in all a VERY busy summer, and I did not make it to the beach once. Actually with it being so hot I barely made it out of the house most days.
I still cannot believe that my parents are actually getting divorced. I know that after the last year and some I should be used to the idea, or at least better with it, but it's still so very odd. In my day to day I am at peace with the direction that this is all going and has gone, but when I think about it as a whole I am still at a loss for words. I see my dad, who really seems lost and not at all the happy person that you would think he should be, and that worries me. And then I see my mom, who is so strong and I wonder if I would have that same strength if this was to happen to me. I would hope so, but who knows. Selfishly I wish that they were still together so that Olivia could have that example in her life, since it seems that there are so few relationships left to look up to these days. And then I realize that this is what it is and maybe it is for the best. She will get to know my mom as this strong single woman, who has come out on top. And she will get to have a relationship with my dad that is thiers and theirs alone. I love them both so very much and want only the best, since that is what they gave to me.
And then there was a death. It's awful and strange to say it all at the same time, but my grandmother's death was in some ways a blessing. She was unhappy and sad and has been ready to die for longer than any of us cared to admit. I loved my grandma dearly, but I loved the grandma that I knew from so many years ago. I was very fortunate to have her in my life as a support and cheerleader, but at some point she let the negativity get the best of her and stopped living. I am sad for my mom and aunt and especially my grandpa, as it cannot be easy to lose someone that close to you. But as with all things something great has come out of it. My grandpa is now living with my aunt and my mom and aunt are able to get this wonderful relationship back with thier dad. He is willing to live and wants do stuff and that makes me smile. My grandpa was such a good husband to stand by grandma's side and do whatever she needed him to do. I love that about him. He is my example of what a good partner is and what I hope for Olivia some day.
I know I mentioned that we went to Palm Springs this summer, like it somehow compares to a birth, death and a divorce but it was a really big deal to me. It was the first time that I had a night away from Olivia and a real night of sleep. It was about 6 weeks after she was born and though it was too hot for her to go, I decided that I would hang out with the family for one night. It was AMAZING!!! I had a great time and it was the perfect way to refuel for the next 6 weeks. I love my family and spending time with them always makes my day.
And the highlight of my summer... OLIVIA!!! I love her so much. She is such a doll and yesterday she laughed for the first time. Now I should say that there have been tons of smiles and giggles at the faces that we make at her, but yesterday was a real laugh. Paul was making some noise and she was just laughing it up in response. It quite honestly made my day, maybe my week. There is NOTHING, and I mean nothing like the sound of a child laughing. And now we are down to my last week of maternity leave and I have to say it's a little bittersweet. I am excited about work, but sad that I won't be able to hear that laugh all day. But that just means that I have to make the most of my time with her. So nights, the few hours that we will have together, and weekends are going to be me and Olivia time... Oh and Paul too. Kidding. By the way, in case I failed to mention this... Paul is a great dad. I guess that is one more thing that happened this summer, I became a mom and Paul became a dad. And a really good one. I knew that I married a good partner for myself but now I know that I married a really good dad for my daughter. I am very lucky!
Thank you to everyone for all your love and support over the last few months. I would not have been able to make it without help.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
So we spent our Friday night watching "The Five Year Engagement" and smelling Olivia's binkie. And yes we are wierdos and captured it on film. I love that girl and even when I get two hours away from her I am smelling her blankets... We are definitely going to put this one in a zip lock and pull it out from time to time to remember the wonderful smell of our girl.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Let the countdown begin... I go back to work in a month. I have mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand I am excited to get back to a normal routine and to a place where I am challenged intellectually, since lets be honest the most challenging part of my day right now is making up songs to sing and figuring out how I am going to fit in my pumping and naps around Olivia's schedule. But then Olivia and I are just starting to really like one another. She smiles at me and laughs at my singing and we have these wonderful naps together and I will miss them so much. And I know that I am going to have only a few hours a day with her on the weekdays when she is not sleeping, and that will be rough. I don't know how Paul handles it now, I would feel so left out if I was him... And I will be. Someone else is going to get ther smiles and laughs and see her first moments of doing new things, and I will be at work dealing with the adult versions of immature children. Oh wow I said I wanted to go back to work, right?!? I do. And I need to keep reminding myself that it is the best thing for both Olivia and I. I know that I was not cut out to stay at home with her all day long, and hopefully this will be make me make the most of each and every moment with her.
Not only do I go back to work and have to leave Olivia, there is the little matter of having to fit back into my work clothes post pregnancy. And sadly I think that this might be stressing me out more than leaving Olivia. I was so excited to have lost 25 pounds in the first few weeks after delivering Olivia, but here we are a month later and I not lost a pound more. And though that is fine since all I do is wear sweats and shorts most days, it will be a rather large issue come October 1. So in an effort not to have to pull out the maternity wear when I go back to work, I am starting a diet and will actually start working out. Don't get me wrong there have been a few failed attempts at working out in the last few weeks, but walking and doing yoga once a week won't really cut it at this point.
Starting today, I am cutting out the carbs (when I can) and adding in more veggies and fruits and stopping all the regular soda drinking I have been doing. And I will workout in one way or another for 30 minutes every day. I have to lose at least 10 pounds before October 1 to feel good about fitting into some of my clothes. My ultimate goal is to be below my pre-pregnancy weight by January 1. I have to say I regreting all that crap that I ate during my pregnancy right about now. I cannot believe that I gained 40 pounds and ate so much fast food, something I never thought that I would do... But oh well.
This is right when I found out I was pregnant, so technically this is my before picture.
This is not cute, and was from about 6 weeks before Olivia was born. I swore no one would ever see this one, but posting this will help keep me accountable and motivated to stick with the diet.
Wish me luck... October 1 is right around the corner!