Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Descendants

We actually saw a movie today.  If you know me and Paul and our track record with these sorts of things, you will understand.  It took us almost a year to see the Batman Movie with Heath Ledger, and I believe that we were the most excited to see it.  And we have attempted to see Mission Impossible 3 on several occasions, and stilll have not done it.  It was tough before, but now that I have an excuse to not do anything and everything, movies have become impossible. 

I do not want to spoil anything for anyone, but I wanted to mention somwthing that stuck with me.  If you have seen the commercials you will know this much... George Clooney's wife is in a coma and he is dealing with children that he was not so close with and secrets that his wife left behind.  This movie was about life and how we deal with the moments that define us and though, I am not certain it was the movie of the year, it was very good.  And at the end, there is this scene where they are sitting there, as a family, and you see that no matter how horrible the trama or the circumstance, we survive and come out on the other end.  I am sure that if you have been fortunate to never have experienced a loss, of any nature you will not understand it on the same level, but trust me when I say life is worth it all.  All the heartache and ugly is worth it to get to the beauty of it all. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Little Things

"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

I was looking up quotes online in preperation for my speech at Katie's wedding and ran across this gem.  And I balled, I mean I could barely get through reading it.  What the heck hormones, let me at least read a little Poohism without losing my stuff.  But then I started thinking about this little person growing in me and how much I already love them and we have only known one another for 15 weeks.  I have known people for years, that I can barely say that about.  And that makes me very happy but so very nervous as well.  I began to think how hard it will be to leave them at home or at daycare and head off to work, or to see them off on the first day of school.  And don't get me started thinking about them going off to college or getting married and having children of their own.  I really have no idea how my mother did it.  I would have fallen apart more times than I like to admitt. 

But at the same time, I am thrilled that I am already so attached and in love.  I was always a little concerned if this maternal side of me would ever kick in, and I guess I waited for the right time, cause it is in full swing.  And I cannot wait to meet this little person... Who by the way has decided to hide for one more month, and not reveal whether or not they are a Paula or a Victor!?!  Oh well, we will find out one way or another soon enough!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Anticipation is Killing Me

Before we got pregnant, actually before we even started trying, I thought that I would want to be one of those parents that waited till the baby was born to find out the sex.  I knew in my heart that I did not care if it was a boy or a girl, as long as they were healthy and all mine.  And then we got pregnant and Paul decided that he was going to find out the sex, no matter what... And that if I did not want to know, he would just not tell me.  What is that?!?  So I gave in.  I decided that if I got to carry the baby for nine months and experience all the wonderful parts of being pregnant, the least I could do for Paul is share in the joy of finding out the sex of the baby.

And now we wait.  At our last appointment the doctor got us all excited at 11 weeks, mentioning that there was a chance that we might be able to tell.  And then nothing.   But the worst part was that I did not think before we went in for that appointment that we had a chance in hell of finding out till 20 weeks, and here we were at 11 weeks.  And that is where it started and now all I think about, day and night, is finding out if there is a little wein or who-ha growing inside of me.  We have another appointment on Tuesday and my fingers are crossed that the doctor will be able to see something, anything.  And though I know that it does change my feelings in the least about the baby growing inside, there is something to be said for being able to say he or she, instead of feeling the instinct to say it.

And so we wait... But I do have a hunch that we have a girl on our hands.  Something about the Chinese calendar and the fact that I am growing all over the place, and the secret hope that I will have someone to shop and drink wine with, is leading me down that road...  BUT we will have to wait for now!