Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Control of Time

There are really no words to describe the movement of time and the lack of control that you have over it.  Over the years I have fought to prove that I knew better, that I am above time, but somehow it has caught up with me and I am faced with the pure and simple fact that I am 29 and I have no control over anything, especially time.  Time changes everyone, one way or another and you are powerless to stop it.  I know now that I am not 23 anymore, once thought to be my perfect age and that the people around me are not who or what they were 6 years ago as well. 

But I know this, I am thankful for every moment that I have in this life, with this family, in this love and I would not stop time to change any of that.

This week, seeing as it is only Wednesday, has been a long one.  Paul's mom had surgery, a fellow collegue was found to have a brain tumor and we found out that a co-workers wife's cancer has come back, not an easy week as I mentioned before.  I have to admitt in the midst of it all, I had a minor breakdown thinking about all that can get to us and take us over and how little control we have over it all.  Did I mention that I hate a lack of control?  But at the end of the day that is not the point, the point I hope is that we have to be thankful that we have this time at all and that it continues.

So I guess that the point of this blog is to tell those I love that I am thankful for their place in my life and that I love them!  So thank you!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Dedicated to Loved Pets Everywhere!

I found this article today on a website that is dedicated to reviewing movies, but the editor posted a personal blog that broke my heart and made me grateful for every moment I have ever had with a pet in my life...

Finally today... I made reference to personal stuff going on in yesterday's post. What happened was that Sarah and I lost our cat Kirby yesterday after 17 long years together. It's no exaggeration to say that Kirby was probably the best friend I've ever had. He was more like a dog than the typical cat. He was just with me almost constantly - my whole daily routine revolved around him. He sat with me in my office while I worked, he watched thousands of movies with me in the home theatre over the course of his life. In his later years, he slept on my pillow at night and woke me with a gentle lick on the forehead... you know, so I knew he wanted breakfast sooner rather than later. He was just a great pal. I first brought him home after a visit to my family in North Dakota (he was given to me for free by a high school friend) when he was just a few weeks old - small enough to sit in the palm of my hand - and he's been with us through thick and thin ever since. About 4 years ago, he was diagnosed by our vet as being in the early stages of kidney disease, so we figured his number was up. But with a careful diet to keep his weight up, and nightly fluid injections to ease the burden on his kidneys, he thrived. He was happy, playful, his old self. Loving life. Until Monday afternoon that is, when it became clear that he'd finally reached the late stages of the disease. About 5 PM we noticed that he was having trouble seeing, and he was a little wobbly. He wasn't in any pain, just puzzled by the fact that he couldn't see. But Sarah and I knew this was it - the next thing that follows after sight loss is heart failure, and we absolutely didn't want him to suffer that. So we decided to make his last night a blast. His favorite time of the year has always been the holidays, because he LOVED turkey. So I drove around until I found a grocery store that had fresh turkeys, and we cooked it for him. He got excited as the house filled with the smell, and he eagerly devoured a couple plates full when it was done. We sat with him and just spent time with him the whole night. Then yesterday morning, we took him in to the vet, and he agreed it was time to let him go - that we were doing the right thing. So we said our goodbyes and I held him while they have him the injection. And then he was gone - peacefully, happy right to the end. And today, I'm just gutted. I feel like my right arm is missing. It's amazing how these creatures who are so small and ask so little of us, give us SO much back. As bad as I feel today... I have a lot of happy memories. It's worth every minute.

So anyway, over the next few days if these posts are short, and it seems like my heart just isn't it... that's because it's not. I appreciate your patience as Sarah and I try to deal with the loss of a very important member of our family.

Thank you Kirby, for being our best friend for 17 years. We miss you so...

Monday, October 5, 2009

Love At First Sight

There is nothing that prepares you for that moment when your eyes lock with someone and you just know that you will love this person forever. That no matter what they do or where they go, because of this moment nothing will ever seperate you. I discovered this moment when I met Kelly's baby, Dominic Jon Tedrow. He is beautiful, precious and the most amazing little thing that I have ever encountered and I know that no matter what I will never forget the moment that I fell head over heels for this child.