If you had asked me 24 hours ago what I thought of my husband, Paul I would have ripped into him like no other. I was tired and overwhelmed and feeling just sorry for myself, something I have become really good at lately. And the worst part is that none of it was true. I was taking out my frustration on him and it was totally unjustified. I was tired and in dire need of some time to myself, since the last three and a half weeks has meant some serious togetherness, which combined with a lack of sleep makes me not such a nice person.
But then last night in the middle of yet another breakdown, Paul said that he was going to sleep on the couch and keep the baby with him so I could sleep in the bedroom alone and get some real sleep. At first I said that was silly and I felt like it was such a bad idea. I just felt guilty for needing time alone and for my husband having to step up and handle it all, because I was clearly in no condition to do so. But then I realized that I needed to finally let go of some amount of control and allow Paul to help. And boy was it! I slept from 12:30 to about 3:45, pumped, then went to sleep again till about 6:30. It was like 5 or more hours of sleep and then Paul and I swapped. He went into the room, slept till 10:30 and I slept out on the couch with Olivia till about that time as well. It was one of the best nights of sleep I can remember, and it was just what I needed.
I have known that I married a great man for some time, but seeing him as a father has been the icing on the cake. He is so good to her and is managing work, family and everything else so well. His ability to juggle it all without losing his mind has been such a good example to me. I love him and I know I picked the right guy!
1 comment:
I am so glad you finally admitted that it was okay to accept help. All of us want to be there for both of you. All you have to do is ask.
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