Ahh... January. That time again!

I have to say that I find it rather ridiculous and entertaining that I had resolutions at all this year, and that one of them was to blog more... And here it is the 13th of January.  Ummm... Yeah I am already sucking it up at this year of resolutions.  Great!

Let's see.  I have a rather lengthy list of resolutions for 2014 and mainly cause I feel like in even years I kick way more ass than in the odd ones.  I don't know why that is, maybe I am partial cause all the good stuff happens then.  Born in 1980, all the summer Olympics happened in even years (they are my fav), elections happen in the even years, I graduated from High School in 1998, College in 2002, married in 2008 and met my fav person in the world in 2012.  I don't know why, but there is something comforting about the even years.  The odds are just, I guess, stacked against me.

And so I am here to declare my resolutions or promises for 2014.  I want to read more, which I am making strides at by starting a book club to help keep that one.  Mind you the club consists of my mom, my sister and my aunt, but hey it's a start no matter what.  And I am like 1/10th of a way through the Happiness Project and only two weeks away from having to be done, but it really is the thought that counts... Right?!?

My second resolution was to clear away the crap.  Now that was meant to be metaphorically and figuratively.  I have cleaned out all the clutter from this house.  All the old clothes, the old food and the old junk is out.  I don't use, so why have it around blocking me from thinking clearly.  And in some weird cosmic twist I dropped my phone, so I don't have access to all my old contacts, by choice mostly.  So if I want to contact someone, I have to wait till they contact me.  I chose not to bring over all the old stuff, to avoid well, all the old stuff.  Last year I let situations and people ruin more moments and memories than they really deserved and this year, I refuse.  This may sound harsh, but FUCK them.  I am not doing that crap anymore.  They don't deserve the time, nor the energy and at 33, almost 34, I am okay saying that.  I am going focus on me and the people that make this life worth it.  Out with the old, in with the new... Or amazingly consistent.

Workout more.  Well that is a given, and duh should be on this list... Especially is you just saw your pediatrician and she asked when you were due.  Ummm... Yeah that happened.

Be better.  However that falls, I just need to make sure that I am making the right choices for me and mine.  No more drama.  No more shit.  No more nonsense.

2014 you are my bitch.... Well except for how you broke my phone 9 hours in, but we're cool.

Happy New Year all!

Wow I can't believe that its been this long...

Not that I have not been busy or that there are not a ton of things to report, but I am still in shock that I have not blogged since July.  What in the world has happened to me you might ask... Well nothing really, and I guess everything.  July was a good month... Olivia's 1st Birthday, Pageant of the Masters, and a few good summer days enjoying our backyard and our new neighborhood.

August really did give us a whole lot, well that I can remember for that matter, but here are some pics from that month...

More or less the last few months have been a lot of Olivia growing and getting bigger every day.  I look back on some of the pictures and cannot believe how big she is getting and how fast this is all going... And yes I know I should have listened when every one warned me it would go by quickly, but that is only a lesson learned in time.  No one, and I mean no one can explain all the details of parenthood to you, it is only experience that is the true teacher.

Recently, as in the last two weeks, we moved Olivia into Day Care by the house.  It is a more formal day care and since it is near the house, the drive to work is a little less stressful on both of us.  But to say the transition has been smooth, would be a lie.  Olivia seems to be having a hard time with all of the change.  Tantrums are the new norm, starting with the morning change of the diaper to the end of the day rituals.  My once always happy baby is now a toddler with an attitude and I wish I knew what to do.  It was sort of funny in the beginning, but now its down right stressful.  And the worst part is that I have no idea what to do for her.  She just gets so frustrated all the time and no matter what we do, nothing seems to help.  I am sure it is just a phase, but right now it seems like it will never end... 

Besides the growing pains, we are good.  Paul and I just celebrated our 5 year anniversary and things are going well.  Team effort here in the Madore house is the only way I can say that we are staying afloat.  Lots of love and patience... And when all else fails, a good glass of wine will solve anything.

Hopefully this will be the first of many postings in the next few weeks.  Working on getting back on track.

Olivia Turned One

This little lady turned 1 and like my thank you notes, this post is about 3 weeks late.  Olivia was born on the 4th of July and so we had her party on that day as well.  Worked out great.  We had lunch at our new home, did cake and gifts and people were still able to attend any late night fun that they already had planned for the Fourth. 

 

We decided to keep it simple, ordered sandwiches from Corner Bakery, made some salads and had drinks.  Simple but good.  Everyone had a great time, hanging out with the birthday girl and checking out the new house. 

 

Here are a few shots from the party...

 

 

 

 

 

We are super grateful to have such wonderful people in our lives, who truly care about our little girl.  We could not be happier!

 

Today was a good day!

I woke up this morning and decided that I wanted to spend the day at home with Olivia.  Just a girls day, for lack of a better term.  I do not know why I decided today was that day or why I had not done this sooner, but it was a great day.  We ate breakfast together, then played for a while and ran errands, mostly just those that needed to be done some time ago for her birthday in two days.  And then she went down for a nap and I ate lunch and relaxed for a bit as well, and once she was up, it was play time again. 

At some point in the middle of this seemingly normal day, it occured to me that I was really happy.  Not just "this is a good day" happy,  but genuinely happy.  This was definitely a feeling that has been sort of foreign for a bit.  With all that was going on, mostly good, some really unfortunate moments have occurred.  In an attempt to be honest, to purge, to move forward, I am going to admit that I am not speaking to my dad.  A request was made, the understanding on his part was not there, and now we are taking some time to think things through.  I wish that I could say that I knew that this was going to be okay, but I don't.  Things have been said, lines have been drawn and over the last few weeks I have been left with an emptiness that I can only describe as loss.  It feels like a death has occurred and I have most definitely gone through the very sad stages of grief.  My dad and I will never be the same.  We may find a way back to one another, but the damage is done.  I have decided to allow this to be okay, mainly because I have to.  I can no longer be the person that lets someone walk all over them.  I can not continue down this path anymore.  It is dark and with no end in sight.  I won't allow him to do that to me or to my life.  And once I freed myself of this; the weight lifted.  I felt myself come back, was able to breathe life again.

So I choose to be happy.  And today I actually felt that emotion, not just thought it.  And it felt really good.  I needed it more than I ever knew.  I have been walking in some sort of haze and now I feel like I am alive again.  I am hopefull that this is the beginning of great things.  Of moving on.  Of letting go... Of forgiving.  And though I know my dad has done something untolerable, cruel even, I forgive.  For that is my only option.  I can't carry this with me anymore, I don't want to, don't need to.  I can only hope that this is not the end.  Only time will tell, but if today tells me anything, it is possible.


“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”

― Ann Landers

And away we go!

Tomorrow we are going to do the walk thru of our house.  I am not sure where the time went, but it really feels like it was only a few weeks ago that we put down the deposit on this place.  It was so far off that I don't think I really let myself register that the day would come that we would be doing the walk thru and then closing and getting the keys to our first home.  It so exciting and scary at the same time.  This will be the second largest purchase that Paul and I have done together, since being married, the first being the CR-V.  It's strange that it took all this time to get to this place, yet I feel like we are super rushed all of a sudden.  Like I said, scary times.  But good as well.

I know how lucky I am and this whole process reminds me of just that.  I have a great husband, who has managed amongst all the millions of things he has to do to organize and plan this whole move.  I mean it when I say, I have done so very little.  I more or less show up.  I know that I have made decisions, like which fabric to get on the couch or the rugs that we need, but he has done most of the heavy lifting.  I am very lucky. 

And though it's easy to see all that is going well, it's hard to block out the little things that make things just a little harder.  I am nervous about the move, how it will affect Olivia and Moe and the adjustment period that comes with change, something that will affect all of us in one way or another.  I know it will take time to call this new place home and not come back to what has been our home for so many years.  I will miss this place, and I am not quite ready to walk away from the place that we brought Olivia home to.  It will be hard to say goodbye.  I am also stressed about the drive to and from work, which now is like 12 miles but will soon become 35.  What is funny to me is that I have been totally aware of this change for some time, but it did not register fully till I tell someone where we are moving and see there reaction.  "So are you still planning on working here?"  "That's quite a drive."  Thanks everyone for the confidence... Totally helping with my anxiety about the move!

And then there are the tons of little things that just happen to be going on that manage to overwhelm me at any given moment.  Life tends to that at times.  Usually when you least want it to.  But I am getting better at handling it with each passing year. 

Aside from all that, in 48 hours we are going to own a home.  It has been years in the making and I am very excited.

Housing Develoments

As I mentioned previously, we bought a house.  It has been one of the more exciting things to happen in some time, but it has been easy to forget at times because of Olivia.  If this had happened before her I would be spending night and day obsessing over what we were going to and when we were going to move in, but there is no time for that.. And that might be a good thing.  It allows me to just live in the moment.  And I sort of like that. 

We have been fortunate enough to be able to watch the progress of our house being built.  Not something I thought that I would ever be able to do.  It's such a neat thing to say we are, well someone is, building our house.  I sort of feel special that this is ours, no ones but ours.  So cool.

Here are a few shots of the progress... Closing is slated for May 30th, and I cannot wait!

Oh she is a growing...

Not that you would have any idea based on my blog, but Olivia is now 9 MONTHS OLD!  She is getting so big and moving so much and is such a little person now, with her own way.  I love her so much. She is so fun to be around and watch her discover new things and figure out her way in and out of stuff.  She now has 4 teeth and is starting to try real foods: bread, fruit, cereal and little snacks.  There have been some mishaps, like tossing up an entire bottle of formula on me at lunch on Friday after chocking on some pizza crust.  I guess you can say we are both learning.