My Heart is Heavy

Life is a funny thing, you think that you are doing great and then one little moment can send you back to the beginning.  A few months ago our family had a rather large shake up, well lets be honest it was a complete overhaul on a level none of us had ever experienced or expected.  It was rough and at times very overwhelming to think about where we were a year ago and where we might be a year from now, but we somehow managed to get from one day to the next.  Though navigating this new existence was hard on us all, it has also made the ladies in this family so much closer and might I add, stronger. 

But then one conversation, one incident, can bring it all back.  I never want to see my family hurt and to know that something that they had no choice in, is consuming them or making their life harder, it kills me.  I want to say that this will all be okay, and that we will all get through this, but how can I say that when I am not sure of that myself.  Knowing what to do, when you have never gone through any of this before, is so hard.  I just want to make this all better, but I can't.  Nothing I do or say will change any of this, and maybe that is what we all need to hear.  Maybe we all need to realize that none of this is within our control and the only thing that we can control is how we react to it.

All I want is for my family to know that I love them and that we all have to find a way to be happy, no matter how this all plays out.  There are so many wonderful things happening right now, it would be a shame to focus on the negative.

Love.

My Closet, My Love

If you know me, you know that I pride myself on a certain sense of organization.  I like to have things in their place, put away so that I can access them at any moment, but I don't have to stare at them at all hours of the day.  I specifically love to make lists.  I make a to do list for the week, I make one for the day, and then I tend to have a couple of organizers going at once.  I am a nut!  There has to be a certain level of OCD to this, since it does bring a level of calm to my life, but regardless I refuse to change.

One amazing example of my need for organization and structure in my life, is my closet.  It is beautiful, well to me it is, because it is color coded and seperated into sections.  It brings me such joy, and so I share it with you.

The only unfortunate side effect of this afflication, is that I feel the need to clean not only my place all the time, but the places of people that I visit as well.  My poor sister tends to be the victim of my disease the most often... She is a good sport about it, but still how annoying must it be that every time someone comes over they want to clean your place. 

I guess there could be worse things...

Farm Fresh

For quite some time, I have been hearing about the farming co-op and the produce boxes that you can pick up at locations near your home.  My girlfriend, Kelly has been a part of a farm co-op for a couple of years and I was always so jealous that she had something like that at her disposal.  And then it happened, after a weekend visiting Kelly in San Marcos, I came home and started researching farming co-op's available in North Orange County.  And I found one... It is Tanaka Farms in Irvine.  They have various options for produce pick-ups, but to start I went with the small box ($20) every other week.  We got our first one and I have to say I am a fan!

I went to Cal State Fullerton on my lunch hour to pick up the box and felt so good about myself and the way that I was supporting the local farmers.  I have to say that I am quite proud of myself...

I really hope that this is something that I will continue to do and that I can inspire others to look into this as well, just like my friend did for me!

To My Sister... we are one!

I Could Not Help Myself!

I cannot help but repost this... SO DAMN FUNNY!!!!

The following was a post from my sister from an exchange between her and my mom on AOL:


Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Warm Hands

The following is an AIM exchange between my mom and I today.


CHEZNECK: did you hear gene simmons and the girlfriend may be breaking up
CHEZNECK: bad time for the playboy men
kmcree23: there not married?
CHEZNECK: no, but have been together forever and have two kids
kmcree23: oh i thought they were married
kmcree23: shocking he isnt loyal
CHEZNECK: i didn't tell you about my wierd experience at McDonalds today. I was sitting and this guy (maybe in his 30s) came up to me and asked how I was doing and shook my hand. I thought maybe he was handicapped so didn't think much about it, but then he bent down and touched my toes. Creeped me out
kmcree23: OMG
kmcree23: how could you not tell me this
kmcree23: what did you do
kmcree23: i am laughing so hard
CHEZNECK: maybe a foot fetish but not sure. who is the celeb with the foot fetish
kmcree23: rachael rays hubby
CHEZNECK: i left as soon as i was sure he was out of the parking lot. definitely not rachael rays husband
kmcree23: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
CHEZNECK: now i have the convicts and the pervs after me
kmcree23: wth
CHEZNECK: i kind of feel like i was assaulted
kmcree23: thats so gross
kmcree23: yeah!!
kmcree23: did anyone see
CHEZNECK: i should have told the manger i think. I don't think anyone saw
kmcree23: eww
kmcree23: did he drive away or was he on "foot"
CHEZNECK: lol. i think he was driving
kmcree23: this is not good
CHEZNECK: kind of makes me want to not go back to Mcdonalds
kmcree23: did he walk away after he touched your foot
kmcree23: i wouldnt
CHEZNECK: yeah he just turned around, but kind of kept looking back at me.
kmcree23: oh god!!!
kmcree23: this is awful
CHEZNECK: seriously
kmcree23: kinda funny though right??
CHEZNECK: yeah
kmcree23: what did he look like
CHEZNECK: kind of average, dark haired with a cap and warm hands
kmcree23: if you had a blog this would be a great thing to post
kmcree23: with warm hands- hahahahahahahaha

Being Selfish

I have to admit that I have been super selfish lately.  I am in survival mode and because of that I feel that I have been neglecting a few things.  I have not worked out in forever and I am not eating all that well either, and to go one further I have been drinking more than I care to admit.  On top of that I have not been a good friend, which is super hard for me to admit.  I hate thinking that I was always there for my gals and I have been MIA for the last two months, with the exception of checking in just to make sure that there is nothing life changing going on with anyone else.  But even that I have been bad at.  One of my besties is preggers and I have not seen her in more than a month, which is super long for us.  And to top that, I am her sons Godmother and I have not seen him in months.  I can say, I am not being a good friend.  And my cousin's aunt on her mom's side passed away today from cancer, and I have not been there for her either. 

I just feel guilty and there is no way to get around that.  I feel like every little thing sends me into a tail spin and one email or text will ruin my day and thus take me out of life once again.  And I cannot continue like this.  So I am pledging today to refocus on the things that matter and the people in my life that have been there for me, like I need to be there for them!

You heard it here first, so I expect you to hold me to it! 

I am here.  For you!

What I Learned From Oprah

And what I continue to learn from Oprah...

I love Oprah!  I am certain that so many people in this world can say this, but I have to say that the last month leading up to her final episode has made me really get it.  I love Oprah.  She is a healer, a listener, a woman, an inspirer, a giver and above all else a teacher.  Oprah has given back in so many ways, but the most amazing thing that she gave to me was understanding.  There is little in this world to make you have faith in people or humanity, but seeing how Oprah has helped so many and given so much, makes me know that there is still good in this world.  And there will continue to be good...

These are words from Oprah that resonate with me and will for as long as I live:

You are not alone.  You have the power to change your own life.

Be more of yourself. 

Everyday that I stood here, I knew that this was exactly where I was supposed to be.  Doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.  (This one was HUGE for me.  I don't know that I know that I am where I am supposed to be, but I am determined to figure it out)

Each one of you has your own platform.  Mine is a stage and a studio and yours is where you are.  And that is where your power lies.  Everybody has a calling.  The power is the same.  You carry whatever it is that you are supposed to be doing, you carry that forward.  And don't waste anymore time.  Start embracing the life that is calling you and use your life to serve the world.

I see you, I hear you, and what you say matters to me.

Be still and know it.  God is Love.  God is Life.  And your life is always speaking to you.  First in whispers.  And if you don't pay attention to the whispers, it will get louder... What is whispering to you, is your life.  Your life is speaking to you, but will you hear it.

We often block our blessings because we do not feel that we are good enough.

What you have to say, matters to me.

Connect, embrace, liberate.  Love just one person, and spread that to two... See the difference that makes.

This show has taught that I am worthy because I am here. 

I AM ENOUGH!

And until we meet again...