I still cannot believe that my parents are actually getting divorced. I know that after the last year and some I should be used to the idea, or at least better with it, but it's still so very odd. In my day to day I am at peace with the direction that this is all going and has gone, but when I think about it as a whole I am still at a loss for words. I see my dad, who really seems lost and not at all the happy person that you would think he should be, and that worries me. And then I see my mom, who is so strong and I wonder if I would have that same strength if this was to happen to me. I would hope so, but who knows. Selfishly I wish that they were still together so that Olivia could have that example in her life, since it seems that there are so few relationships left to look up to these days. And then I realize that this is what it is and maybe it is for the best. She will get to know my mom as this strong single woman, who has come out on top. And she will get to have a relationship with my dad that is thiers and theirs alone. I love them both so very much and want only the best, since that is what they gave to me.
And then there was a death. It's awful and strange to say it all at the same time, but my grandmother's death was in some ways a blessing. She was unhappy and sad and has been ready to die for longer than any of us cared to admit. I loved my grandma dearly, but I loved the grandma that I knew from so many years ago. I was very fortunate to have her in my life as a support and cheerleader, but at some point she let the negativity get the best of her and stopped living. I am sad for my mom and aunt and especially my grandpa, as it cannot be easy to lose someone that close to you. But as with all things something great has come out of it. My grandpa is now living with my aunt and my mom and aunt are able to get this wonderful relationship back with thier dad. He is willing to live and wants do stuff and that makes me smile. My grandpa was such a good husband to stand by grandma's side and do whatever she needed him to do. I love that about him. He is my example of what a good partner is and what I hope for Olivia some day.
I know I mentioned that we went to Palm Springs this summer, like it somehow compares to a birth, death and a divorce but it was a really big deal to me. It was the first time that I had a night away from Olivia and a real night of sleep. It was about 6 weeks after she was born and though it was too hot for her to go, I decided that I would hang out with the family for one night. It was AMAZING!!! I had a great time and it was the perfect way to refuel for the next 6 weeks. I love my family and spending time with them always makes my day.
And the highlight of my summer... OLIVIA!!! I love her so much. She is such a doll and yesterday she laughed for the first time. Now I should say that there have been tons of smiles and giggles at the faces that we make at her, but yesterday was a real laugh. Paul was making some noise and she was just laughing it up in response. It quite honestly made my day, maybe my week. There is NOTHING, and I mean nothing like the sound of a child laughing. And now we are down to my last week of maternity leave and I have to say it's a little bittersweet. I am excited about work, but sad that I won't be able to hear that laugh all day. But that just means that I have to make the most of my time with her. So nights, the few hours that we will have together, and weekends are going to be me and Olivia time... Oh and Paul too. Kidding. By the way, in case I failed to mention this... Paul is a great dad. I guess that is one more thing that happened this summer, I became a mom and Paul became a dad. And a really good one. I knew that I married a good partner for myself but now I know that I married a really good dad for my daughter. I am very lucky!
Thank you to everyone for all your love and support over the last few months. I would not have been able to make it without help.
LOVE!
1 comment:
Hard to believe that so much was packed into the Summer.
How nice to have Olivia be here for all of this. She really makes everything better.
Love you.
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