Sometimes there is just way too much to take on at once. It gets to a point where you feel like you only have two options: drown in all that is happening around you, or run. I am picking the drowning option, mainly because I guess I really can't run away. This last month seems to have been one thing after another. The preschool had a flood, which left us with little options for where to send Olivia each day and inevitably she stayed home with either Paul, myself or her guardian angels, my mother and Peggy. And what was supposed to be a couple weeks out, has turned into a month. Then work went from 40 hours a week, plus to who knows what when a colleague gave notice and a portion of her job responsibilities became mine. And I am not certain I can handle it. Maybe under normal circumstances, I would welcome the challenge, but right now I feel like I am setting myself up for failure.
And now Olivia has hand, foot and mouth disease, which is really the worst name. Just call it "The rash that takes over your entire body and makes you absolutely miserable" disease. Cause that is what it is. And I can't make it better for her. All we can do is load her up on pain medication, which is Motrin and Tylenol, and give her lots of liquids. I would be dying if I had what she had. The rash is all over and looks like it would itch me to death and the diaper rash is unsightly. And all I want to do is make it better, but I can't. And all she wants is her dad, which honestly hurts. I know it shouldn't bother me, since she is a toddler and feels bad, but it does. All that being said I have now cried more than I care to admit and am in serious need of some sleep, which won't be happening any time soon.
And I know that many people have it much harder than we do right now, and that makes me feel better and worse all at the same time. I am very grateful that this is the worse thing to happen to Olivia thus far, but it makes it very clear to me that I am not so sure I could handle very much more. How do people do it? And why? I know that is harsh, but we only have one and I can't even imagine how we would handle more than that at this time. Maybe that is just not who we are. I don't know, or maybe this is the right fit for us. Or maybe, just maybe I am going out of my mind because of lack of sleep, that I will totally forget all this in a month and be back on track once we are all better.
Lets hope its the latter.
