Good days… With some bad!

Having a toddler is like living with a gremlin at times.  Olivia is having some pretty rough moments, where there is just all out screaming and crying and no real desire to do anything other than that.  And then there are some really fantastic moments, where she is very caring and loving and wants to sit real close and watch movies.  So we are trying to live for those moments, and push through the less than fun ones.

This was last night.  Upset for God knows what reason… And this is sort of what we deal with most days.

Lots of selfies… Which are adorable when they are actually her face and not the ground.

Fun with Auntie and Uncle.  She really loves her some Katie and Rodger.  And has taken in some her more upset moments to crying out for one or the other.  Sweet and sad all at the same time.

Swimming.  My favorite thing.  Working on it being hers as well.  She does like the floaty so that is a win.  Now just need her to want to stay in the water for longer than 3 minutes.

And when all else fails, there are naps.  I have to remind myself that she is a little person that is doing a lot of growing, body, mind and soul.  And sometimes the world can be too much and you just want to cry and scream.  I know I would like to do that more often than not, so I guess I shouldn't blame her.

PS - Thank goodness we are going on vacation next week.  We need some down time without work and the usual stress.  Will be nice to turn off the electronics and just enjoy time together.

Switching it up a bit!

Decided that we needed to move some stuff around in Olivia's room.  I get like this.  I need to change things, but now that I live with someone I can't just start moving the whole house around, so I do it in small phases.  And for the most part, just cleaning my closet out or the kitchen will handle the need to rearrange the whole house.  But today, I moved around the furniture in Olivia's room, and I love it.

Not so sure that Paul is a fan, but change can be good… Whether you wanted it or not.

A Little Perspective

This somehow struck me as the perfect statement for how I have been feeling lately.  I get caught up on how things should be, how I wish that they were and all the little things in between.  I am not a perfect person, I have my faults and yet, I still have a hard time not calling them out in others.  I need to work on accepting people and situations for what they are, not what I wish that they were.


* Side note: I have actually blogged more than once in 3 months… Yeah for me.

Olivia is Two!

Olivia is now two!  Who said that could happen?  Well no matter, it did and it was a great birthday and an even more wonderful year.  

We decided that it would be better to keep it low key this year, forgo a party and just have a couple small gatherings with family, as time permits.  So on Friday, the fourth, we spent the morning celebrating just the three of us at home.  And it was totally fun.  We surprised Olivia with a little outside play house, that she loves.  It is so funny to see her going in and out of that thing, pretending that she is actually at home.  So adorable.

After nap time, we headed over to Aunt Katie and Uncle Rodger's house for a little Fourth of July celebrating.  We had a great time hanging out in the back yard, running through the slip and slide and playing in the pool.  And Olivia is so fond of both Rodger and Katie, that I am pretty sure we could have left and she would never have known… Especially if Kona is there.  Her first full sentenced happened at Katie and Rodger's.  They were playing in the play house and Olivia came over to Kona and told her "Kona, Come in there".  Love it… That kid definitely belongs to Paul and I.  After a great time of playing, eating and gifts we sat down for some cupcakes and Jeopardy (not sure how they mix) and she dove into her dessert.  

Saturday we heading to the Jump N Jamming at the Arcadia Mall and then lunch at The Cheescake Factory.  She may have been the smallest kid at the indoor gym, but that did not stop her at all.  She loved it.  And after a long morning, we headed home, saw Grandpa in the afternoon and then had a nice relaxing night at home.  Just what we, Mom and Dad, needed after a long couple of days.

And then on Sunday we went down to Murrieta to see Grandma Kathy and Uncle Rob, otherwise known as Uncle Awesome.  Olivia had a great time.  She loves seeing them, and says their names the whole way down there and home.  We are so super lucky to have such loving people in our lives.  Rob got her this super cool teepee, which she loves.  I sort of wish that I had one in my size to hide out in, or read or hide out in… 

All in all, I have to say that this was a good year.  Our baby is now a toddler and has such a strong personality and knows what she wants and when she wants it.  I love her more than I could ever imagine was possible and I welcome all the amazing times ahead.

Love you my little lady.  Happiest of birthdays to you!

 

Enough Already

Sometimes there is just way too much to take on at once.  It gets to a point where you feel like you only have two options: drown in all that is happening around you, or run.  I am picking the drowning option, mainly because I guess I really can't run away.  This last month seems to have been one thing after another.  The preschool had a flood, which left us with little options for where to send Olivia each day and inevitably she stayed home with either Paul, myself or her guardian angels, my mother and Peggy.   And what was supposed to be a couple weeks out, has turned into a month.  Then work went from 40 hours a week, plus to who knows what when a colleague gave notice and a portion of her job responsibilities became mine.  And I am not certain I can handle it.  Maybe under normal circumstances, I would welcome the challenge, but right now I feel like I am setting myself up for failure.

And now Olivia has hand, foot and mouth disease, which is really the worst name.  Just call it "The rash that takes over your entire body and makes you absolutely miserable" disease.  Cause that is what it is.  And I can't make it better for her.  All we can do is load her up on pain medication, which is Motrin and Tylenol, and give her lots of liquids.  I would be dying if I had what she had. The rash is all over and looks like it would itch me to death and the diaper rash is unsightly.  And all I want to do is make it better, but I can't.  And all she wants is her dad, which honestly hurts.  I know it shouldn't bother me, since she is a toddler and feels bad, but it does.  All that being said I have now cried more than I care to admit and am in serious need of some sleep, which won't be happening any time soon.

And I know that many people have it much harder than we do right now, and that makes me feel better and worse all at the same time.  I am very grateful that this is the worse thing to happen to Olivia thus far, but it makes it very clear to me that I am not so sure I could handle very much more.  How do people do it?  And why? I know that is harsh, but we only have one and I can't even imagine how we would handle more than that at this time.  Maybe that is just not who we are.  I don't know, or maybe this is the right fit for us.  Or maybe, just maybe I am going out of my mind because of lack of sleep, that I will totally forget all this in a month and be back on track once we are all better.

Lets hope its the latter.

Blogging… Blah!

I don't know why, but I am so not into this right now.  I know I should be, and I know that we have a lot going on to report, but somehow I cannot find it in me to sit and do it.  I blame Instagram and Facebook.  They are easy and quick ways to post a quick pic or mention something funny going on in our lives, and they require very little thought or direction.  Blogging on the other hand, well you know.

With that being said, I am working on doing this more.  Making it purposeful and adding a little more direction… Cause let's face it, my blog has ADHD.

Happy Easter to All!

PS - More to come, I promise this time.

If We're Being Honest

I have been avoiding this post for some time.  For the most part, I don't have an issue with honesty.  If anything I have an issue with being too honest, especially when it comes to other people… But isn't that the case for everyone.  We always see in others their faults, the things that they can fix and rarely understand why they have such a hard time seeing it themselves.  But then when it comes to oneself, look out if anyone dare mention that there might something I could work on.  They must be delusional or blind or out of their minds to think that I might have a problem with something, or could work to be a better version of myself.

But alas I can no longer hide from my faults.  And that is a good thing.  I am human, I make mistakes and I am trying to learn and grow from them.  And today I sit before you and tell you that I have a problem with drinking.  I am hesitant to say alcoholic, as you can imagine for all the reasons that one would like to avoid such a label.  I don't know that I am there yet.  I don't know that I would even admit if I was, but I do know that I do not want to be there.  I like to drink.  I like wine, beer, vodka, all of it really.  And I have a very hard time saying no when presented with an option to have a drink.  But I am owning that now.  I don't want to be someone that can't go without a drink.  I don't want to be someone that has one to deal with life or just because it is Tuesday night.

Admitting that I can't be drinking like I was drinking was the first step.  It was a hard one, but necessary.  I have been good about it the last month or so, but it has not been easy and I am by no means saying that I have not had a drink or two.  But I do feel like I am gaining control and for me that is biggie.  I did not have control before.  For now, I am good.  And if it starts to go in a bad direction again, I will re-access and see if maybe I can't have alcohol in my life at all.

I hope that I am on the right path.  I still have a hard time picturing what this all looks like a few years down the road, but I do know what I don't want it to look like and that is a start. I have good examples to guide me.  People who have been there and done that, and came out on the other side better for it.  I am lucky that I am starting in a place where this is still an option, not one where the choice is being made for me.  And if for no other reason, I have to do this for Olivia.  She can never know me as anything other than her loving, amazing mother.

Ahh... January. That time again!

I have to say that I find it rather ridiculous and entertaining that I had resolutions at all this year, and that one of them was to blog more... And here it is the 13th of January.  Ummm... Yeah I am already sucking it up at this year of resolutions.  Great!

Let's see.  I have a rather lengthy list of resolutions for 2014 and mainly cause I feel like in even years I kick way more ass than in the odd ones.  I don't know why that is, maybe I am partial cause all the good stuff happens then.  Born in 1980, all the summer Olympics happened in even years (they are my fav), elections happen in the even years, I graduated from High School in 1998, College in 2002, married in 2008 and met my fav person in the world in 2012.  I don't know why, but there is something comforting about the even years.  The odds are just, I guess, stacked against me.

And so I am here to declare my resolutions or promises for 2014.  I want to read more, which I am making strides at by starting a book club to help keep that one.  Mind you the club consists of my mom, my sister and my aunt, but hey it's a start no matter what.  And I am like 1/10th of a way through the Happiness Project and only two weeks away from having to be done, but it really is the thought that counts... Right?!?

My second resolution was to clear away the crap.  Now that was meant to be metaphorically and figuratively.  I have cleaned out all the clutter from this house.  All the old clothes, the old food and the old junk is out.  I don't use, so why have it around blocking me from thinking clearly.  And in some weird cosmic twist I dropped my phone, so I don't have access to all my old contacts, by choice mostly.  So if I want to contact someone, I have to wait till they contact me.  I chose not to bring over all the old stuff, to avoid well, all the old stuff.  Last year I let situations and people ruin more moments and memories than they really deserved and this year, I refuse.  This may sound harsh, but FUCK them.  I am not doing that crap anymore.  They don't deserve the time, nor the energy and at 33, almost 34, I am okay saying that.  I am going focus on me and the people that make this life worth it.  Out with the old, in with the new... Or amazingly consistent.

Workout more.  Well that is a given, and duh should be on this list... Especially is you just saw your pediatrician and she asked when you were due.  Ummm... Yeah that happened.

Be better.  However that falls, I just need to make sure that I am making the right choices for me and mine.  No more drama.  No more shit.  No more nonsense.

2014 you are my bitch.... Well except for how you broke my phone 9 hours in, but we're cool.

Happy New Year all!